Something unexpected happened to me last night. I thought I would never cry again over a performance piece but I did. The tears just came and did not fully stop till some time before bedtime.
It is a piece that is my favourite and my best. I tried to focus more on the technique of singing and was grossly unaware that my volume had been terribly compromised.
I don't want to be the cause of obtaining a COP for it. At the same time, I think that this happened as an answer to a prayer. I need purification especially from my sense of pride and judgement. This was a strong form of humility from God, I guess. However, in the process of being refined into gold, God granted me angels to comfort me. Thanks Altos, Arthur and Nat!
It was not so good on the next night(Saturday night) too. I was still feeling small over my lack of timing as some members sang the pieces out of fun at a gathering. I didn't join them as I felt that I would have spoiled things. When I went home, this problem kept bugging me and I cried myself to sleep :S I really didn't want the next morning to come(Sunday)when there would be another test.
I woke up and after having relaxed my muscles, something I learnt on Friday, I decided to just sing out loud so I could be heard. I know that I know my music. I have to work on my confidence which is a major flaw, notwithstanding other musical flaws too. I did it with prayer and angels who prayed for me too. I succeeded. My choir conductor recognised my improved boldness and verbally acknowledged it. That and the applause of the choir were a huge encouragement. For the second song, he remarked that I was the only one in the quartet who did not lose my part :D He also said that he could hear me for the third song. Praise God and the Holy Spirit for having helped me and given me courage :)
I still need time to completely conquer my musical demons. My timing and rhythm is way off in comparison to others'. My weaknesses make me lose confidence in my ability.
